Cleaning House

It's good to remove unwanted baggage. I've been clearing out a lot of mine and it's been reflected here by removing the remnants of old hurt.

If you're finding yourself stuck in an area of your life that is the way to move forward.
Clear out negative emotions you've been hanging on to: Anger, jealousy, fear, embarrassment, and all others.

Forgive others, God, and yourself.

Those are the key to new relationships, resources, and money! Who doesn't want that?

Happy 24

Birthdays these past years have almost been something I have dreaded. This year is no different.
It's not that I'm opposed to getting older. It's more of a painful reminder to me that I'm still in the same place I was a year ago. Not really making progress with my life. The agonizing standstill.

I've tried exterior sources for enjoyment and happiness.
There was a girl who I thought would make me happy and she ended up ruining my life. As much as I hate to admit it, she still haunts me every day...four months after the fact. Too cowardly to break things off and just left me hanging. Still hanging.

But anyone who does that clearly isn't worth anyone else's time so I really wonder why she torments me so. Bah.

That's not what today is about. It's about me.  24 years. It feels like a long and yet a short time.  I feel old seeing people I thought were young when I was still young too growing up and making good lives.

I think it's time for me to make mine.  So in anticipation for my 25th birthday I'm going to make a lot of changes. Start making myself again. For me this time. When you come around I'm going to enjoy you and drink you in.  It will be a good year and 25 will symbolize how far I've come from now.

Intent

    I heard this in a video I saw a month ago but I didn't notice it until I read it today.
This is a quote from Elder Busche at a BYU Devotional in 1996:

    "And finally, when you are compelled to give up something or when things that are dear to you are withdrawn from you, know that this is your lesson to be learned right now. But know also that, as you are learning this lesson, God wants to give you something better."

    I wish I had come across this sooner than I had. I felt like the best person in my life was violently taken form me and I didn't know if there could be anyone to take her place.
I need to have greater trust in the Lord.  He knows what he's doing and I believe what Elder Busche said; that my Heavenly Father wants to give me someone better.

    I feel so much peace right now.  Wah!
      I love my life!!!

Gratitude

    Living with my family in my Grandparent's basement is challenging.  There's no room to live, I share a 'room' with two of my sisters. My clothes are found all over the place because there are no dressers or shelves to place them.

    Despite the challenges of living in such cramped places I feel so grateful for all the many things that I do have, the growth that I have experienced these past months, and the miracles I have witnessed.

I am grateful for:

A bed to sleep in

The heater that keeps me from freezing every night

Water

Music

Being so close to my sisters all the time. Giving them hugs and loves and talking to them way past bedtime!

My drum set!

Being so close to town and to work

An uphill run in every direction

Family time all the time

Vision board and pictures to motivate me to give my all

Dear friends who fill me with joy and love

Losing stuff every day and always finding it(sooner or later)

The Food Channel

Family adventures together to get out of the house

the dishwasher!

my own shower and bathroom that I don't have to share

Amazing Spiritual experiences at Church

Helping Grandma and Grandpa

Being so close to the Temple

The events that brought about the change in my schedule, which have made me able to do what I want, and have brought someone lief to me.

What I am grateful for most of all is the room at the end of the hallway.

    To everyone else it's just a storage room.  To me it is my escape.  My hiding place. Where I go when I need to pour out my soul to God. Sometimes in distress for help and support, and other times in gratitude and happiness for the miracles and answers He gives me.

    I know that some people have walked in and seen me kneeling, but they don't know the beauty of what happens at those times.

    I have come to know more intimately my Heavenly Father. His love and His comfort for me.  How to listen to Him in the quiet.  How to speak openly, for when I pray in there my prayers are always vocal.

    To understand what He has in store for me, clarity on past revelations, feeling peace when my soul is in turmoil.

    At times life in this crowded basement is challenging.  Having lived and enjoyed so many beautiful things in my life in the past month, I wouldn't change being here for the world.  I trust that more trials will come and with those even more grand and wonderful things will happen!

Thank you Grandma's Basement for changing my life for the best

    ~Quixoticism

Shasta

I've been reading through the books from the Chronicles of Narnia.  Right now I'm about finished with the Horse and His Boy. It is by far my favorite book in the series right now.

    The thing that I love about it is the Destiny of this small boy who felt he had no significance in life and was only treated barely better than a slave.

    Shasta is a young boy that was rescued by a fisherman when he was just a baby who came along a talking horse and together they decided to run away from their old lives and live for freedom!

    Along the way he made some good friends and had many adventures.  The greatest thing that he does though is a dangerous and hard trip through the desert to get to a people in order to warn them that they are going to be attacked.

    He is pushed to the very limits of his faith, strength and courage in order to make it, and right when he expends the last of his effort he encounters some of the people he is trying to warn who are then able to carry the message the rest of the way.

    He tries to follow them but gets left behind and but decides to keep going in hopes that he's headed in the right direction.

    Shasta wanders in the foggy mountains and is joined by an unseen companion who travels with him for a while. He asks Shasta to tell him of his sorrows and he laments how unfortunate his life has been up to this point with all the troubles that he had faced.

    The stranger tells him he is not unfortunate at all, but is very blessed, and through all those hard and difficult times He was there to make sure that Shasta was safe and pushed him to give his all in order to save the people.

    I was really moved by this.  Although it feels at times like I'm very inadequate, with no special talents or gifts, and that I've have had many hard times in my life, it makes me aware how close Heavenly Father really is.

    That He placed me where I am in life to learn things about myself.  To conquer fears, doubts, temptations, and weaknesses. To grow and learn faith, hope, courage, and love.

    He pushes me beyond what I think I am capable of taking in order that I will be able to fulfill the Destiny that He has given to me.

    He's been there at times and I've had no idea, at times when I haven't deserved it, the times when I have, and the times when I've needed Him the most.

    I am eternally grateful for my Loving Father. Especially for the strength and healing He has given me as I've struggled the past two weeks with things pertaining to true and endless love.

    Now back to Shasta.  He went on to discover that he was the son of a wonderful and kind King and he would someday also be king.  It makes my heart leap and sing and know that I will discover more greatness in myself beyond that which I already have.

Best of all he got the girl.  Which gives me hope that I will get mine too!

Time Respect

I've been a bit frustrated and disappointed in myself over the past few weeks.  I've had lots of things that I've wanted to do and work on improving and I just can't get them done and I feel like I'm not making any progress. :(

My obstacle in this is time.  Not just time management (which it is partly, I haven't been setting specific daily goals like I have promised myself I would) but more specifically time interruptions.
I feel like I am facing frequent interruptions into my time that I have(and need to) set to get work done on other important things.

These stem from several sources.  Not setting very specific time-frames for tasks/activities. Getting interrupted by people.  Getting distracted by myself when I am working and needing to focus.
The last two being the largest factors, amplified a little by what's missing from not doing the first.

Which brings me to my problem.  The Respecting of Time.
    It's been said that time is our most valuable commodity.  I concur with that.  Being something in the mortal perspective that is so priceless there is a serious lack of respect for it. Selfishness can be a part of as the people eating into my time are sometimes putting their interests before mine when the matter is superficial.
    Other times can be more serious and urgent interruptions, but those are and should be very infrequent.
    Another is conflict in planning. This is especially potent when you live with other people who are very involved in your life(see: family, and sometimes roommates)
    This one can be solved peacefully by setting the specific time-frame goals for the day and sharing them with the people who would disturb you and tell them what time you need for yourself to work and what times they can ask you for help or to do something with them.

I have been told by some people that I don't have respect for their time.  I accept responsibility for that.  I also feel like people don't respect MY time either.
I am going to changes this.

I will be more mindful of the time that others give me and do my best to be gracious and thoughtful with it. 
    I will help others to respect my time by telling them what time I need and want for myself and asking them not to disturb me during those times. I will also respect this time myself and focus on that for which I have planned the time.

    I really want to make myself a better person. I want to be able to do the things that I want to do each day to grow my businesses, develop my talents, spend time with my family, and have time for fun things as well.
    Time management has always been one of my greater weaknesses and I want it to become my strength!

    Time you are on my side!  We can do great things together!

    This year I am going to become your master and you will help me be what I want to be, do what I want to do, and assist me in making myself great!



P.S.  I can sometimes sound very cold and heartless when I am bothered and wish not to be.  I don't mean it.  I'm sorry if you feel hurt. I'm trying to fix this as well.

Goals for the year 2011

    I think this is a first for me.  Now that I think about it I should have done this at the start of the year.

Setting long term goals has often felt too vague for me.  Like, how can I know what I can do or be given a year's time?

    I think it's important for me to find that out though.  To see what I can make myself into with a whole year to work with.

    I also think that I haven't known what I would want to be one year, five, ten or even more from now.  I'm still a little in the dark when it comes to that.  But there are some things that I am sure about and want to make happen, and on the other things I will have to guess high and aim high as well.

    My list of goals for 2011!

• <3 Get Married! <3
• Read a new book every week for the whole year.
• Make my computer business successful and grow sales each month enough to be able to open my own store by the end of the year.
• Sell HEART to at least 5 of the weatherization organizations in Utah.
• Move out and live on my own.
• Buy my own car.
• Rock the University of Laramie, Wyoming when my band performs there this November!
• Become awesome on the Drums, Guitar, and Banjo.
• Sing a love song to a beautiful girl.
• Enter into some Tennis tournaments and make it to the finals in my division. 
• Make it to Masters Division in SC2
• Find a new hobby that I love and can get passionate about.
• Start taking pictures again.
• Spend more time with each of my sisters.
• Always be ready to help someone who needs it.
• Start working out regularly(at least 4 times a week)
• Learn to cook better, faster, and get creative.
• Figure out how to manage my time effectively.

• Be happy with who I am and how I am living my life!

    2011 I am looking forward to getting to know you!  To experience the joys that you hold for me!  To love all the new people that will come into my life!  To cherish more those who are already in it! To see where you take me and where you allow me to take myself!
    To taking life to the next level and living it to the fullest.  With the fullest amount of joy that I will have ever experienced!!!

Sincerely!
~Quixoticism

Hmm...

Not the entry I had planned on, but I need to keep my promise to write each week.

Last week I made a goal to set goals, meditate, and write in my journal every day.
As a whole I failed with these.  I didn't set specific goals for each day, even though I had a weekly goal with specific items for each day I needed to set goals for each day as they came.  I also didn't do too swell at actually doing them.
Meditating was okay, I did it most days but often it wasn't planned and happened when I went to bed and I couldn't fall asleep.
I only wrote in a journal once.

I think the biggest obstacle for me this week was my sleeping habits.  I have been going to bed late and getting up late as well.  I need to be getting to bed at a decent hour and waking up earlier.
Setting specific goals for each day will also help with doing all these things.
I'm setting a goal to go to bed at 10pm every night and waking up at 7am every morning during the week.

So when failure strikes, or is chosen, I want to overcome and so I will be focusing on these 3 things again in this coming week and will report again at the end.

The Lighthouse

Most families have problems.  Mine seems to have more than our fair share.


    When I was a teenager I struggled a lot with life.  I wished with all my heart that I had an older brother who was such an amazing role model that I could look up to and try to be like.  Someone who I felt I was able to go to to cry on, to confide in, and ask for help with the many problems that I was dealing with. A brother who was strong and faithful and would be an example of righteousness.
    (I didn't realize it for far too long thought that I did actually have an Older Brother to look up to, who would help me with all the things that I was dealing with and would always be there for me.)

    Last night as I lied awake in my bed thinking about my life and the current situation in my family it led me to reflect on those feelings that I had that long time ago.
I realized that the role that I so desperately wanted and needed those years ago, was in fact my own.

I am to be that big brother to my sisters!

Leah.  Emma.  Breanna.
    I promise to be the best brother that I can possibly be.  To be there when you need a shoulder to cry on.  To give you love when you need it the most.  To help you see your worth and how amazingly awesome you are. To be the person you can come to when you need advice, or comfort, or anything.
    I want to be your best friend.  We can do anything together and have a blast because we love being together so much! Let's spend more time together doing things we love.
    I will treat the women that I date with respect and kindness, so that you will know how you should be treated by other men, and know how to build wonderful relationships built on trust.
    I want you to be able to know what a righteous Priesthood holder looks like so that one day you will be able to find one who will take your hand and be married for Eternity in the Temple.
I know the Church is true and I love to see how you are trying your hardest to do what's right.
    You are each very different with wonderful strengths.  Use these to find joy and to become better friends with each other. I am so grateful that I can be your brother.

I write this to you, my beautiful sisters, with all the love that I have for each of you.

The Hydra of Accomplishment

Well I wasn't able to find my book to do a quick review of the sections I liked the most. So instead of talking about what I said I was going to be talking about I'm going to save that for next week and bring up what has been on my mind this week.

There are three things that when harnessed and used together are a tremendous power for getting things done and finding your greater purpose.

These three things are:
Setting Goals
Meditation
Keeping a Journal

They're also things that I fail pretty hard at on a regular basis.  It is a challenge to remember and make time to do these every day.

Let's start with setting goals.

    I am learning drums and really, really, really! want to be able to play the song "Sing Sing Sing"
So my goal is to be able to play it in two weeks.  Great! Now I have a goal.

    What do I need to do each day so that when the two weeks is up I will be able to play this great song and accomplish my goal?

    Well for starters I have to practice my fundamentals.  Working on my stroke. Strengthening the dexterity in my left hand, which is my weak hand, so I can play evenly and have greater muscle control.

    Then there is the rhythm. Practicing with a metronome while hitting the proper accents to make sure I am rock solid on every beat.

    I also need to work my independent coordination.  Each hand and leg is moving differently throughout the song and I need to train each to do it's job at the same time and still be able to focus on the music.

    I will practice an hour each day, spending 20 minutes in each area of focus.

    I also need to be flexible with this goal.  After a few days I will be feeling more confident with some of the areas than others.  So I might decide to spend 30 minutes on independent coordination, while just doing 15 on the other two.  Or I feel like I'm not making enough progress with an hour, so I need to go to an hour and a half, or two hours of practice.

    The most important part of a goal is to sticking to it.  I'm not going to let myself go to bed/out with friends/etc. until I have done this!

Taking time to Meditate is very important.  And it's not humming to yourself with your legs crossed in your lap like Rafiki from the Lion King. :)

Meditation is spending time with yourself, alone, without any distractions.  You just sit, think, ponder, and reflect.

    It helps to be in your favorite place.  Which could be your bedroom, on the swing in the backyard, or out in the woods somewhere.  Each place will give you different perspectives and insights so after you get used to the process, get creative with where.

     You need to spend at least 30 minutes meditating.  More time is always nice if you can spare it.

Think about your goals.  About your life.  Are you happy?  Are the goals you have set things that you really want?  Let your mind wander and see where it takes you.  What do you feel you could be doing better at? What do you feel like you need to be doing that you aren't?

    Daily reflection like this will open your mind to greater heights and enlightenment. Help you recognize your Destiny and how to get there.

Least favorite of mine is keeping a journal.

I should enjoy it! but it's so hard, yet so worth it as well.

    Keeping a journal is like having a review with myself of how the day went. Time to account for how well I did with my goals that I set.  Did I do all the practicing that I promised myself I would?  What about my other goals?  What did I see today that made me smile?, glad that I was alive?  What was the kindness that was shown to me and who did I treat kindly in return?

    Days where I don't do too well I REEEAAALLLYY don't like writing in my journal because I know how bad did. I still need to write down some of the things that I did right though.  Even with having had a bad day, not EVERYTHING about it was horrible. Remember those things that were good.

I struggle with all of these things.  I like setting goals but I am not specific enough nor committed as much as I need to be.  I love the time when I get to meditate and just reflect on life, but I have a hard time being alone without distractions and making the time to do it.

The three working together will help you create direction in your life, understand yourself deeply, know which direction you should be creating, and make you answer to yourself in total honesty on how you're doing. You make greater and greater strides in what you are able to do each day and feel a great sense of accomplishment.

This next week I am going to diligently apply these three tasks!  I will I will I will!!! (getting myself pumped! It will be an awesome week!)
I'll let you know how it goes. :D

The start of a new journey!

I'm not sure exactly how to start this.  I rarely do, but I know I need to so here we go!

I've been wanting to make this first entry for about two weeks now, but I've kept letting things get in the way, and also avoiding it.

The biggest reasons I feel are the cause of this are:
1.  I haven't been exactly sure on what I wanted this blog to be and didn't have the vision which it needed.
2.  I've been putting other things before it, which is a bad habit of mine.  I struggle to define my priorities, and even once I do I have trouble staying true to that.  That's is going to be the focus for my personal development this week.  (but not this entry!) :)
3. Writing has always been difficult for me.  Not all of it, but parts of it.
Like beginning.  When starting a new paper I feel like I have to have something amazing right from the first line, and so I sit there and stare at a blank page while trying to figure out what it is I want to write.
I also falter at times when I have a partly formed idea which I either have a hard time completing in my mind or I'm struggling with putting it into the right words which will make sense.

So now that that's out of the way, I would like to formally introduce my new blog!

In search of Destiny!

What is Destiny?

I have always had a strong feeling that I have a great Destiny, and that I am going to do many great things!

To me Destiny is the life, mission, or path(whatever you may call it) that we are created to accomplish!

Fulfilling this mission will change the world!, the people we know, and most importantly, me!(or you!)

It will also bring joy and happiness.

    In case you still have some doubts as to what the concept of Destiny is that I am trying to portray, here are some examples of people who have fulfilled theirs:
    George Washington is such a huge hero of mine.  He is without a doubt the first American, and the man who was able to make it all happen. I could go on an on about everything that I find amazing in this man, but the main part is that what he did, leading the American colonies in the war against Britain, and being the first President of the United States made this country and all that it is today! Without him there would be no United States.

     Luke Skywalker helped his father fulfill his Destiny in bringing balance to the force, as well being a key player in fighting against The Empire.

    Another hero, and a personal mentor of mine, is Nephi.  Nephi was a young man when he left his nice home with his father and the rest of his family to travel to a new land to escape captivity from another nation.

Nephi had his struggles but he always seemed able to overcome them and deal with things in the best possible way. He became the beloved leader of his people and I feel that if it wasn't for Nephi, Lehi and his family never would have made it to the promised land.

So now that we know what Destiny is how do we find it?  What is my Destiny?  What is yours?

This is likely to be the most difficult question that a person can answer in this life.

    That is what I want this blog to be about.  The search for Destiny!

Not only mine, but yours too, and the things that we do to find it out.

I now want focus on some of my feelings and thoughts from a conversation that I had with a dear and trusted friend.

    The world sometimes feels like a depressing place.  You've seen many things to support that paradigm so we won't dwell there.  It can be hard for people like you and me to want to face another day when it seems like we are stuck in a rut and making no headway.

    I feel that everyone has an amazing Destiny that they need to fulfill.  You. Me. The person who you walked by today that you didn't say hello to. Everyone!

    There seem to be many who don't really care about life or what they do.  They are just here, alive but not really living. At least not living the life that they could be if they wanted to. They 'go with the flow' all their life.

    Some people don't aspire to be great or do great things because they don't believe in themselves. Or maybe they don't know what they can be.

I think that's it! ( <---Epiphany moment right here)

    They've never had their minds opened to know that they can be amazing! To be creators of great things or the bringers of new paradigms and ideas!

Everyone has greatness in them.  It needs to be awakened.  I believe in people.  I have seen the goodness that mankind can bring and it is within each of us.

    You need to know that you do have a Destiny.  They do too.  This greatness is a part of that.

I don't know all that my Destiny is.  In fact I probably know very little.  There are things that I do know.  Maybe I'll share some at another time.

If you feel like you want to take this journey of yours with me, the journey of finding yourself and your purpose, take about an hour and list the things in life that you LOVE.

    Write them down. Everything that comes to mind.  Like food.  Hobbies. Places or jobs that you have worked. Please don't list just things that you have done but the things you feel like you would like to do as well.

    You have passion for the things that you do because they feel like part of you. They are home. And they play a part in your Destiny so embrace them and learn more about them.  You will find out more about yourself too.

    This has turned out to be a bit longer than I wanted my first post, but these are the things that I feel will set the stage for what I want this blog to be.  I will cover a little of what I have written today in my post for this week which will have to do with some of my impressions I had after finishing a book I had been reading for a while.

    My plan is to write at least once a week to help me better understand myself along this journey...

In search of Destiny

P.S.  On the right is a list of the things that I want to do while alive!  I will update and put more things on there as I think of them. :)