Happy 24

Birthdays these past years have almost been something I have dreaded. This year is no different.
It's not that I'm opposed to getting older. It's more of a painful reminder to me that I'm still in the same place I was a year ago. Not really making progress with my life. The agonizing standstill.

I've tried exterior sources for enjoyment and happiness.
There was a girl who I thought would make me happy and she ended up ruining my life. As much as I hate to admit it, she still haunts me every day...four months after the fact. Too cowardly to break things off and just left me hanging. Still hanging.

But anyone who does that clearly isn't worth anyone else's time so I really wonder why she torments me so. Bah.

That's not what today is about. It's about me.  24 years. It feels like a long and yet a short time.  I feel old seeing people I thought were young when I was still young too growing up and making good lives.

I think it's time for me to make mine.  So in anticipation for my 25th birthday I'm going to make a lot of changes. Start making myself again. For me this time. When you come around I'm going to enjoy you and drink you in.  It will be a good year and 25 will symbolize how far I've come from now.

Intent

    I heard this in a video I saw a month ago but I didn't notice it until I read it today.
This is a quote from Elder Busche at a BYU Devotional in 1996:

    "And finally, when you are compelled to give up something or when things that are dear to you are withdrawn from you, know that this is your lesson to be learned right now. But know also that, as you are learning this lesson, God wants to give you something better."

    I wish I had come across this sooner than I had. I felt like the best person in my life was violently taken form me and I didn't know if there could be anyone to take her place.
I need to have greater trust in the Lord.  He knows what he's doing and I believe what Elder Busche said; that my Heavenly Father wants to give me someone better.

    I feel so much peace right now.  Wah!
      I love my life!!!

Gratitude

    Living with my family in my Grandparent's basement is challenging.  There's no room to live, I share a 'room' with two of my sisters. My clothes are found all over the place because there are no dressers or shelves to place them.

    Despite the challenges of living in such cramped places I feel so grateful for all the many things that I do have, the growth that I have experienced these past months, and the miracles I have witnessed.

I am grateful for:

A bed to sleep in

The heater that keeps me from freezing every night

Water

Music

Being so close to my sisters all the time. Giving them hugs and loves and talking to them way past bedtime!

My drum set!

Being so close to town and to work

An uphill run in every direction

Family time all the time

Vision board and pictures to motivate me to give my all

Dear friends who fill me with joy and love

Losing stuff every day and always finding it(sooner or later)

The Food Channel

Family adventures together to get out of the house

the dishwasher!

my own shower and bathroom that I don't have to share

Amazing Spiritual experiences at Church

Helping Grandma and Grandpa

Being so close to the Temple

The events that brought about the change in my schedule, which have made me able to do what I want, and have brought someone lief to me.

What I am grateful for most of all is the room at the end of the hallway.

    To everyone else it's just a storage room.  To me it is my escape.  My hiding place. Where I go when I need to pour out my soul to God. Sometimes in distress for help and support, and other times in gratitude and happiness for the miracles and answers He gives me.

    I know that some people have walked in and seen me kneeling, but they don't know the beauty of what happens at those times.

    I have come to know more intimately my Heavenly Father. His love and His comfort for me.  How to listen to Him in the quiet.  How to speak openly, for when I pray in there my prayers are always vocal.

    To understand what He has in store for me, clarity on past revelations, feeling peace when my soul is in turmoil.

    At times life in this crowded basement is challenging.  Having lived and enjoyed so many beautiful things in my life in the past month, I wouldn't change being here for the world.  I trust that more trials will come and with those even more grand and wonderful things will happen!

Thank you Grandma's Basement for changing my life for the best

    ~Quixoticism